Contrary to popular belief, it’s a fact that women cheat just as much as men do—the difference is that women are better at hiding it because they don’t feel the need to be as doggish as men are. People also fail to realize that there’s levels to this sh*t. Cheating is subjective, not necessarily always objective. Meaning, there isn’t just one overarching definition.
Cheating needs to be defined in every relationship that you get yourself into. Why? Because every person sees “cheating” differently and in order to avoid it, you have to define it. Cheating takes all forms—I break it down into 2 simple categories: it’s anything that you and your partner have not decided on or you’ve decided on and you have gone against the grain.
There’s a pretty decent amount of women (and men) who cheat in their 20’s. It’s no surprise though (you’re still a child in dating years). Everything is reactive in your 20’s—you’re just moving and doing without any thought and just reacting off of the last thing that happened to you. Basically, there isn’t much thoughtful reflection happening, so you just act. At the end of the day, when it comes to cheating, it all boils down to choice.
“21-30 is your childhood of dating. You’re going to turn into a teenager in your thirties.”
In my 20’s, I made that choice and as a woman in her 40’s, I now reflect on why I did. Here are the reasons why I believe women cheat.
Something Is Missing
Women cheat for 3 reasons: emotional, physical, and because they want to. Most of the time, something crucial is missing from their relationship and they end up seeking it elsewhere. You can easily tie these categories with the 5 love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Think of love languages as how people personify the love and connection they have with their partner—you can see how this can become a problem if it’s missing, right?
There Are Emotional Voids
Women cheat because of emotional voids in their relationships. Take a woman whose love language is words of affirmation or quality time—deep and frequent conversations are probably something that keeps her engaged and feeling fulfilled in the relationship. If you’re not talking to her and spending quality time doing something together, a void will be created followed by a loss of interest. What most likely happens next is that this woman finds herself in a situation where a man who’s just a friend/colleague gives her this need for conversation, and happens to be interested in her, ultimately resulting in an environment “where she likes to be.” At that point, all it takes is a spark (even a fake spark) to light the fire of infidelity from all of the gasoline that’s been poured over the situation.
“When there’s an interest and a void, you’ve got the perfect environment for cheating.”
Physical Needs Aren’t Being Met
Most men over 40 can’t keep up. Listen, if you’re anything like me, your physical demands in a relationship have changed since passing the age of 35. 35-40 is a crucial age range when it comes to sexual intimacy—women’s libido is sky-rocking while men’s is plummeting and that’s straight facts. This can cause danger zones in relationships (remember, when interest meets a void) leading to cheating. This is something that we aren’t talking about enough—in our intimate relationships and even in our friend groups. It’s such an easy fix—it starts with self-awareness. Ultimately, if that demand isn’t being met, you’re going to find it elsewhere.
Simply Because They Want To
It all boils down to a choice. Whether it’s because of physical or emotional inadequacies, when you cheat, you have to decide to cheat. And sometimes, the reason is quite simple—I weighed my options and I decided to go for it.
If you take anything from this blog, remember this: “cheating” is about whatever you have discussed and decided on. So make sure you are having those conversations, so no one is shocked and surprised—and even worse, hurt.
I’ll leave you with this important note, there’s still love after cheating or being cheated on. And that love can be the same love that you deceived. Just like you can choose to cheat, you can choose to forgive and mend your relationship. Just make sure it’s what you want.
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